PRESCRIPTION FOR SADNESS

“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.” Psalm 22 New King James Bible

How do you work out when you feel like a piece of old chewing gum on a hot NYC sidewalk?

I have felt blue, off and on for quite some time. Endless Covid isolation with constantly changing restrictions and lower protection from the Pfizer double jab I rushed to get for myself and my two daughters, one of whom is special needs and high risk. I still don’t feel safe as the recent Delta wave grinds through the USA. We socially distance, wear masks, have our vaccines, and are careful but I have constantly had to readjust my expectations and my mindset and keep disappointment at bay.

Sometimes a three-pound weight feels like 300 pounds and my body feels like I am walking through thick pudding with triple gravity weighing me down. I, of all people, know I need to keep my daughters and myself moving despite a desire to sit and lay down.

My solutions for days like this are walking, restorative yoga, an inspirational video plus a hot Epsom salt bath.

I walk in nature and I time it for one hour at least. If I feel particularly despondent I turn around immediately at the half-hour mark so I have enough strength to trudge back, one step at a time.

My older daughter and I take tons of pictures with our phones on these walks and gaze at them. Lately, we have even gotten to see lots of butterflies. On an evening walk, we saw a great horned owl. Smells of pine trees, sun-warmed flowers, and waving at fellow walkers fills me up with camaraderie. There is an arboretum in the park, horses in a field, a resident cat, and lots of deer. There are many paths, paved and dirt and gravel. A large river with a sandy area where I can let my DS daughter luxuriate in the sand. She runs her hands and toes through it and lays in it. Seeing her so quietly happy fills me with contentment and my sorrows lift amid the sounds of birdsong and seeing white clouds in a blue sky. The wonderful thing about nature is it is different every day in a multi-textured way.

We return home and I begin yoga. I want to force my daughters to join me but I don’t. I invite them and sometimes they join. I wish they joined more often but I am content with the walk. I thank them for joining me on that.

If I do only seven poses in one hour, who cares? The yoga police will not arrest me and the restorative yoga crew will applaud me. Restorative yoga is like a blooming flower. It is slow and subtle. There is no pushing progress or “stretching”. Each pose is set up as fussily as if the princess and the pea were in control. If there is the slightest bit of pinch, pull, lump or bump you adjust with blankets, pillows, or rolled-up washcloths. Use any prop created or pre-made that will be helpful, get inventive. Sometimes the body will open up more if you befriend it instead of adhering to the,“Go hard or go home”, motto.

My grand finale in self-care is an Epsom salt soak while watching videos that help me remember to be grateful for what I have or make me laugh or teach me something I value.

I remember there are so many suffering people in impossible situations and I hope one day to help them but I must fill my empty cup to fill the cups of others. As it says somewhere in the Bible, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If you treat yourself badly you will treat others badly. Hurting people hurt people, so heal yourself.

Below is a link of Carol Dweck speaking on the perils of perfectionism.

I am typing this on my phone in a very hot Epsom salt bath and I feel happy.❤️